Wednesday, March 10, 2004
What a Difference a Day Makes
So yesterday when I left work, I was remarking on how things seemed to be going very smoothly in my life. I mean, chaotic as fuck, but no real surprises. Since everything has been so nuts over the last month or so, I was happy to have a couple weeks without wondering how my apartment burned down or why the cat was speaking English. You know…no real surprises.
Well, then I got home from work yesterday.
I walked into my brand new, beautiful apartment, to find that my little guy “Jimbo” wasn’t in his cage. I tore his home apart looking for him and then noticed that one of the tubes that connect to his cage had become dislodged and fallen to the floor. Jim had escaped.
My heart stopped in my chest and I kept thinking “Why? WHY is this happening?” Jim is the hamster love of my life. He is so smart and kind and gentle. He is also very generous with local charities. He’s the total package really. Upon noticing that he escaped, I prepared myself for the worst. I hadn’t been home in a couple of days, so I was positive that he was dead. It was only a matter of finding the body.
I lifted up my bed, tore apart my closet, and had a long talk with our cat, Trey. I was sure that if I couldn’t find Jim’s body, Trey would have stashed his corpse somewhere in Kelly’s bedroom. So I looked there for a while too. Then I just started to get really upset. Tears started to fill my eyes and I realized that Jim was just gone. One day there, next day gone.
I lay on my bed with no TV or radio playing and I just thought about where he could be. THEN! I heard his little squeaking. I jumped up and ran over to my dresser. Underneath, I found little Jim cowering in the corner. He was shaking and making “peep” like sounds. I reached my hand in and he immediately walked into my palm. THANK GOD!
I noticed too that he had fashioned some sort of makeshift bed under there. How LONG was he out and running around? Who knows.
I cuddled him and loved him for hours before putting him back in his cage. I immediately removed the faulty tube and secured the rest of his cage. No more disappearing acts. I’m not going to lose ANOTHER hamster due to my irresponsibility.
Now, aside from that, I received a phone call this morning from my friend Mariah. She was EXTREMELY upset and crying. I told her to calm down and to tell me the whole story. Detail by detail. She explained that her girlfriend of 7 months has been cheating on her with like everyone in the city. Not only has she been fucking her ex-boyfriend, but just last week she engaged in a threesome with a friend of hers and a random dude. Um. AIDS anyone?
Now, the reason why this is SO fucked up is because Mariah was at the hospital a week ago with some unknown virus. They quarantined both she and her girlfriend and asked them numerous questions about their sexual activity; to gather as much information as possible. Even as that situation became increasingly more intense, Mariah’s girlfriend lied straight to the doctor’s and said that she hadn’t been with anyone other than Mariah. Fucking liar. And also, fucking WHAT? Mariah was SO ill!
In any case, there is a hunt out for the head of Mariah’s EX-girlfriend. It should be easy to track her down, considering that she has fucked everyone in the state of NY. I can’t believe this shit. Poor Mariah. And to top it all off, it’s her birthday today.
Lastly, my boss told us this morning, via email, that he will be leaving our office tomorrow and never returning. There is a whole lot of shit going on at my job and this kind of move was expected, but not prepared for at all. There was chaos with everyone running around trying to figure out what to do if he actually does leave.
Turns out, he misspoke in his email and he’s not leaving after all.
AH GEEZ!
So much for no surprises, huh?
With this kind of shit swirling around my head, I am SO glad to grab my friend Angie and to head upstate to spend time with my Rita at her wedding shower.
Calgon?
Yeah that’s right. Bitch, take me away.
So yesterday when I left work, I was remarking on how things seemed to be going very smoothly in my life. I mean, chaotic as fuck, but no real surprises. Since everything has been so nuts over the last month or so, I was happy to have a couple weeks without wondering how my apartment burned down or why the cat was speaking English. You know…no real surprises.
Well, then I got home from work yesterday.
I walked into my brand new, beautiful apartment, to find that my little guy “Jimbo” wasn’t in his cage. I tore his home apart looking for him and then noticed that one of the tubes that connect to his cage had become dislodged and fallen to the floor. Jim had escaped.
My heart stopped in my chest and I kept thinking “Why? WHY is this happening?” Jim is the hamster love of my life. He is so smart and kind and gentle. He is also very generous with local charities. He’s the total package really. Upon noticing that he escaped, I prepared myself for the worst. I hadn’t been home in a couple of days, so I was positive that he was dead. It was only a matter of finding the body.
I lifted up my bed, tore apart my closet, and had a long talk with our cat, Trey. I was sure that if I couldn’t find Jim’s body, Trey would have stashed his corpse somewhere in Kelly’s bedroom. So I looked there for a while too. Then I just started to get really upset. Tears started to fill my eyes and I realized that Jim was just gone. One day there, next day gone.
I lay on my bed with no TV or radio playing and I just thought about where he could be. THEN! I heard his little squeaking. I jumped up and ran over to my dresser. Underneath, I found little Jim cowering in the corner. He was shaking and making “peep” like sounds. I reached my hand in and he immediately walked into my palm. THANK GOD!
I noticed too that he had fashioned some sort of makeshift bed under there. How LONG was he out and running around? Who knows.
I cuddled him and loved him for hours before putting him back in his cage. I immediately removed the faulty tube and secured the rest of his cage. No more disappearing acts. I’m not going to lose ANOTHER hamster due to my irresponsibility.
Now, aside from that, I received a phone call this morning from my friend Mariah. She was EXTREMELY upset and crying. I told her to calm down and to tell me the whole story. Detail by detail. She explained that her girlfriend of 7 months has been cheating on her with like everyone in the city. Not only has she been fucking her ex-boyfriend, but just last week she engaged in a threesome with a friend of hers and a random dude. Um. AIDS anyone?
Now, the reason why this is SO fucked up is because Mariah was at the hospital a week ago with some unknown virus. They quarantined both she and her girlfriend and asked them numerous questions about their sexual activity; to gather as much information as possible. Even as that situation became increasingly more intense, Mariah’s girlfriend lied straight to the doctor’s and said that she hadn’t been with anyone other than Mariah. Fucking liar. And also, fucking WHAT? Mariah was SO ill!
In any case, there is a hunt out for the head of Mariah’s EX-girlfriend. It should be easy to track her down, considering that she has fucked everyone in the state of NY. I can’t believe this shit. Poor Mariah. And to top it all off, it’s her birthday today.
Lastly, my boss told us this morning, via email, that he will be leaving our office tomorrow and never returning. There is a whole lot of shit going on at my job and this kind of move was expected, but not prepared for at all. There was chaos with everyone running around trying to figure out what to do if he actually does leave.
Turns out, he misspoke in his email and he’s not leaving after all.
AH GEEZ!
So much for no surprises, huh?
With this kind of shit swirling around my head, I am SO glad to grab my friend Angie and to head upstate to spend time with my Rita at her wedding shower.
Calgon?
Yeah that’s right. Bitch, take me away.
